so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
