Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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