Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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