I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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