we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
