She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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