I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize