well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize