did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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