If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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