I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Randomize
