that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
