I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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