you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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