after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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