need another drink. this is the easiest way
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
