I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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