some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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