You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
