Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I know her cup size but not her name....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
