You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she told me i tasted like america
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
