ADVERTISEMENT

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks

  Fav 49 4878 1589

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.

  Fav 33 2091 3314

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Every day of my life.

  Fav 12 5058 1284

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"

  (305): View more from Florida

  does that mean he doesn't last long?

  Fav 10 1113 3921

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  three words: i give head

  (770): View more from Georgia

  three words: not that well

  Fav 65 1698 9018

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life

  Fav 11 1376 4581

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?

  Fav 26 1679 4658

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.

  Fav 3 1430 654

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina

  Fav 12 2586 1166

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.

  Fav 3 829 564

  share tweet
  

• (806): View more from Texas

  The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.

  Fav 1 751 586

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (519): View more from Ontario

  We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...

  Fav 0 625 410

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store

  Fav 0 121 279

  share tweet
  

• (+49): View more from Germany

  I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?

  Fav 6 208 84

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (614): View more from Ohio

  Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.

  Fav 0 42 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize