Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
