i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
