Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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