Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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