Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
