My room smells like vodka and shame
Redeem this text for a blowjob
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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