why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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