i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
