he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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