Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
