I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
