last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize