i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
