I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
