It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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