There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
