I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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