three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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