i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
