Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
