i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
