i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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