How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
