You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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