If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
