Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
