break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
