Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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