Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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