Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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