I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
