Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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