her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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