I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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