I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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