I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
