I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
