She is in my trunk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
