We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
