i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize